Innocence Lost
by Alarium
Summary: Merry and Pippin come to the realization that they are alone after they escape from the orcs. *Finally Updated*
1. Default Chapter

This is the first time I have tried to write anything like this so I hope you all like it and if not, well you only wasted five minutes or so. Please feel free to review it and let me know where I went wrong or right. By the way the chars are obviously not mine and I have very little money to worry about suing me over. -Al

INNOCENCE LOST

'You're not hurt are you?"

"No"

"You're sure?"

"No. Merry? It will never be the same, will it, Merry?"

The forest seemed to loom over the two huddled figures as the sun went down. Bruised and muddy faced, they tried effortlessly to blend in with the ancient giants that towered around them. Merry squirmed a bit while trying to think of something brave to say. What good does it do? This wasn't the shire with its comfortable surroundings. No safe haven to run through without a care in the world. This was a lonely forest surrounded by nothing but death and decay. 

"No, Pip, no it won't" if it wasn't enough that the grief inside of him was about to swallow him up, the pain in his cousin's eyes was. He couldn't lie to him; there was no sense in that. Pippin was there, he saw all of the events unfold just as plainly. Merry's heart sank thinking of his friends. Pippin and he had barely escaped the orcs alive and then only by a stroke of luck. Boromir had fallen so soon after losing Gandalf, and what of Frodo, Sam, and the others. They were alone. Comforting words seemed few and far between at this point. "We'd best figure out a place to sleep tonight and find something more to eat. Things shall look up in the morn." A forced grin was all he could manage as he stood up to start into the forest.

Pippin just sat. His tear-stained face staring towards the direction they had been running from only a few hours before. 

"Do you think they are all gone?" He asked.

"The orcs? Yea I think those fellows on horseback got them good. They won't be back tonight." 

"That's good' he said even though the orcs were not the present thought in his mind. He could care less what those nasty old orcs were up to by this point. He had had enough of sleeping on the floor each night with little or naught to eat for the day, say the least for a proper bath and now to have Merry dismiss his concerns without a second thought_. It wasn't supposed to be this way_, he thought to himself. The all to familiar lump began to form in his throat again_. I only wanted to be a part of an adventure like the ones out of the stories. A chance to be important, that's all. I never wanted to see anyone hurt. I didn't think... _he could feel his eyes well up with tears_. That anyone would ever be..._

The pain was too much for him and his soft sobs started again.

Merry's heart ached. He wanted to answer him by shouting _yes Pippin they are all fine you'll see! _but he was afraid he would begin to believe it too and that may be too much to ask for. It wasn't fair. Why must they be the ones to be lost to this vile forest? This wasn't their quest. They should be with Frodo and Sam. Frodo... how many times had he helped them out of trouble and now when there was a chance to repay this favor the two young hobbits had lost it. 

"I wish Frodo were here" Pippin said almost as if they shared the same thoughts.

"I do to, Pip."

The sun had turned from a golden orange into the familiar shades of soft red and lavender. Pippin pulled his cloak tighter around his head for comfort. It didn't have to be this way. He could have stayed in the shire or even in Rivendell. 

_No_, he thought, _Merry would have had bragging rights for months had I done that. No one could have known that it would be like this. Could they?_

His eyes widened at this thought. He looked at Merry as he often did in his times of panic.

"They couldn't have known about all this could they, Merry? Gandalf and the elves, they wouldn't have let us go if they knew, would they?"

"That's a horrible thought to let race through your head." He chided his young cousin noticing the fear in his eyes at his current thought of conspiracy. "The elves didn't want us to go in the first place least of all you, and Gandalf, well, he wouldn't dream of letting us do anything that could put us in jeopardy. He was shielding us left and right. Why do you think he had us stay next to Boromir at all times, so that we couldn't..."

He stopped short wishing he had not said the later when he saw Pippin's eyes drop back down to watching his feet again. 

"I'm sorry, Pip. For everything. I wish I could take it all away from you, all the bad memories that you have.

"Its okay Merry, I'm all right." He said as he used his sleeve to wipe his face. "You didn't know."

"We really had better be moving on Pip; its getting to be nightfall and who knows what orcs will come out of the woodworks when that happens. " 

"Not to mention I'm still hungry. " His cousin replied fighting to use his usual perky manner. Merry saw the familiar impish grin that Pippin had carried from the time he was small return to his face, yet there seemed to be a piece of Pippin that was missing from his eyes. His eyes seemed hurt and hopeless. His innocence lost. Of all that had taken place over the last months the look in Pippin's eyes ripped into Merry harder than them all. 

__

No Pip, it will never be the same.


	2. chapter 2

Been so caught up reading all of YOUR great stories that I kinda put mine on hold. (Do you like the shamless flattery?) I don't own any of these chars just so you know. If you saw my house there would be no doubt that I make NO money from any of this. Sorry about the length. I get bored easily. If chapters were sticks of gum this would be a chicklet.  
  
I now feel i should mention that I own no chicklets either :P  
  
-Al  
  
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Chapter 2  
  
  
  
Merry looked away from Pippin's sorrowful eyes.  
  
I have to be brave, he told himself, for Pippin.  
  
He couldn't let Pippin see his fears and worries. He knew his cousin would panic if he let how scared he felt inside show. He didn't want to venture into the woods but there seemed little alternative. At least among the trees there would be a good chance of finding food and shelter. He glanced again at Pippin who seemed to be taking his mind off of his troubles by examining the ground around him.  
  
Why can't Frodo be here. He would know which way to go.  
  
He always seemed to know just what to do and now, when Merry needed him most, he wasn't there.  
  
Frodo.  
  
His heart sank at the thought of him.  
  
Frodo was the leader. They wouldn't be here if he wasn't. When they were young he would tell them all of Bilbo's tales and then they would run through the Shire on grand adventures filled with imaginary dragons and elves. This adventure certainly wasn't in any imagination.  
  
I had to follow him, it would have felt wrong not to.  
  
The forest was getting darker now, they need to keep going.  
  
Merry looked back at Pippin who had begun to dig his feet in the dirt where he was sitting.  
  
Still just a lad.  
  
Merry shook his head and smiled whistfully as he watched his cousin trying to flick the dirt out of the ground with only his toes.  
  
After so much pain and misery, only he could find such a small joy.  
  
Merry turned his eyes to the dark forest once again.  
  
"We need to keep moving, Pip."  
  
Pippin jumped up from where he was sitting, brushing the dirt off of himself in the process.  
  
"Which way Merry?" he asked  
  
Merry knew that Pippin had only been waiting for his decision on which way to travel. He patted his young cousin on the back and smiled.  
  
"This way, Pip."  
  
Maybe Frodo is not the only leader after all. 


	3. chapter 3

*I don't really know why I'm here. I thought I did. I'm not really sure of anything anymore. It seems so very long ago that I was able to laugh. I don't feel like me anymore. I wish I could make this all change, get better somehow. Can I ? I don't think I know how. This is not what I thought I would be doing. I just wanted to have a bit of fun, but this....*  
  
The young hobbit brushed a handful of dirt-clad curls out of his green eyes. His small body ached. Every time he started to stand he could feel the pains of his mucles pulling inside him and he decided sitting just a bit longer wasn't harming anything. His weather-beaten face was chapped be the cold wind coming up the plains. If there was any pain from this he wouldn't know. Somehow all that he had gone through seemed to numb him in ways that he could have never imagined. Pippin's gaze wandered from the small hole now forming at his feet to his cousin. Merry paced nervously as if he was ingaged in some innerbattle struggling to find the winning solution to the puzzle.  
  
*Poor Merry*  
  
He watched for a moment silently. Merry's eyes seemed to be filled with unshed tears and Pippin realized at that moment that he hadn't seen him cry in a very long time.  
  
*It can't stay like this.*  
  
  
  
"You know Merry, it could be worse." The Took's eyes gleamed with a newly found hope that immediantly sent a spark into the chest of the downtrodden Brandybuck. This was too much for Merry to take. He looked solemly at his irrepressable cousin, wondering what in the name of the shire had gotten into the lad.  
  
"I don't follow you, Pip," he asked a bit confused. "How could things possible get worse than they are."  
  
Pippin looked at Merry, making all the hurt and pain that had been following them melt away into the smile that spread across his face.  
  
"Well, what would you rather be stuck with? Me or that dratted food that Strider always tried to convince us was edible?"  
  
At this Merry could hold out no longer. His tears mixed with his laughter and he could feel the weight in his body be lifted up. How could Pip manage to put all of the past aside, even if only for a minute, to make such a much needed joke.  
  
"Bless you, Pip." Merry said through his odd combination of sobs and chuckles. "You have a way with words."  
  
Pippin smiled. He knew Merry's heart felt a bit better and to him nothing else, no matter how horrible it may seem at the time, could possibly matter. 


End file.
